Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
