brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
