And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
