is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
