I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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