Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
