How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just tell him i said nine months
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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