I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
