you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
