You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
