At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
