I wish I could punch you in the face.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
