You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
