Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
