Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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