she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
