I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
