I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're like the curious george of whores
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
