The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
