why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
