She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
