Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
