i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
