I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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