so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.