my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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