Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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