How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
