I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
