After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
