Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
