a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
