Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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