you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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