im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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