You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
