Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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