I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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