I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
