god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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