just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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