i permit you to call me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
