I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
