She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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