you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
