why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
