you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
