I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
