Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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