it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
