you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
