I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
