I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize