Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
