i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
