you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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