I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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