Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
