2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
