So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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