i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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