my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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